Battered, Bruised, and Broken
by iHEARTdamon05
Summary: Ever had one of those days you wish you could take back and have start all over? A twist on 2x13. Blairs father dies and her friends are left to pick up the pieces. 4 months later and she's on a downward spiral of drugs and alcohol. Can they save her?
1. Rock Bottom

**Hey all. This is in fact IHeartOTH05, I just felt the need for a new pen name since I don't really have the ambition to right for OTH when its lost so much of the fire it once used to hold. **

**TITLE: **Battered, Bruised, and Broken

**RATING: **T as of now...

**SUMMARY: **Ever had one of those days you wish you could take back and have start all over? I have. But I'm pretty sure that'll never happen so now I must live with the changes it has brought and the chaos that I'm sure will show.

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Gossip Girl, the Characters or anything else for that matter. I'm just taking them out for a little play time. Hope you don't mind...

This story has taken me a long time to actually get going. I have never written anything outside of OTH so its a bit of a change so bare with me until I get my feet firmly planted on the ground. I'm proud of what i have thus far so I hope you all enjoy. Its a rather short first chapter but it was my way of introducing Blair and her pain without any interaction with other characters. This is my twist on the death of Bart Bass... So I hope you enjoy and leave some love at the end and let me know what you thought.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**Chapter 1: Rock Bottom**

I remember the day it happened as clear as any other. Its been 4 months and though some might not want to remember, I had to. It was the only thing that kept me going. My mother of course tried to help, but there wasn't much she could say to make it any better. Some how... I blamed her. I know it wasn't her fault, but she was the easiest target for me. I lashed out at her for the problems her divorce brought to my life. I lashed out for the problems the accident brought to my life. I lashed out... for everything really.

My friends did what they could to help, but how much more of my bitchiness could they handle. Granted, I was a bitch before, but now... I've taken it to the extreme. This was one of those things I had to handle on my own. Something I had to conquer as an individual with something to prove. I was stronger than they thought. I could do this. I had to be strong. Its what he would have wanted. I just know it.

So now I sit alone majority of the time. Just trying to remember the good times we had. Trying to some how make it not real. Like I'm trying to bring him back to me from places that one can not be brought back from. He was one of the greatest people in the world. He did everything for me no matter what I asked of him.

So why did he have to be gone? Why did he have to be taken from me so soon? I had so much more to learn from him, so much more I needed to say to him. The man who was my rock for so long, gone. How can this be? Did he do something to deserve this? I have so many questions that go un-answered on a daily basis that I can never have answered. Everyone tries to answer them, but even they don't know. They don't know why he's gone. They don't know why I couldn't even say good bye. They just don't know.

I cry everyday through the smiles I plaster on my face to please people. To not let them see the darkness that has enveloped my entire being. I'm not the same person I was then. I never will be. With him being gone, its like I lost a part of my soul that I can never get back. No one can fill that hole that appeared the day he died. No one can make me smile like he used to when I would see him. Some have tried, and though they've come close, its just not the same.

So this is what it's come to. A daily routine of waking up to a hot shower. Dressing for school. Acting as if I'm fine. Then coming home to lie in my bed, and cry. The occasional friend would stop by to check on me and make sure I was fine, but other than that, I was alone. Just like I wanted to be. I'd rather not have people around as I'm slowly self-destructing. I don't want them to see my true pain. Is that so wrong of me? To shield the ones I love from the truth of what I'm slowly becoming?

Sometimes... I tried not to do it. To go back to that place that he hated me going, but most of the time, it was my only escape from the real world. Today, was just one of those days where I needed an escape.

I slowly made my way into the bathroom and gently shut the door behind me. I turned my face towards the mirror above the sink and cringed at the image staring back at me. Is this really what I've become? My face as pale as a white piece of paper. Dark circles under my eyes. A look of pure sadness enveloping my entire look. Clothes dingy and hair in disarray. This is not me. This is not the Blair Waldorf I had worked my entire life to present to society. Then again, I haven't seen that Blair in months, so whats it matter now?

Turning away I slowly made my way to the one thing that I could always turn to to take the pain away. There it was, staring at me, taunting me even. Even knowing what I was about to do would upset him to the point of pure fury and rage, I still couldn't stop myself from doing it. I leaned over the counter and grabbed the small glass tube in my hand. Feeling how cold it was to the touch just made me shudder. I was slowly killing myself and I couldn't help it.

Unscrewing the lid of the bottle I tipped it to the side and tapped lightly causing the white powder to cascade onto the glass plate just below. Reaching over I grabbed my favorite credit card and began to cut out 2 lines. With my hands flat on the counter I looked up one more time at my reflection. A gradual tear was slowly sliding down my cheek as I dropped my eyes towards the plate. Letting out a tiny sob while my knees tried to buckle beneath me, I whispered "I'm Sorry" to no one as I found the straw I was searching for and took the first line. Plugging one side of my nose I sucked in as much air as I could making sure I had it all.

I exhaled through my mouth as I looked back towards the mirror. What a pathetic turn of events I had taken. Drugs?! Of all the things I could think of to take the pain away this is the best I could do? Looking back at the plate I let the questions of my life run through my head. I picked up the straw and switched nostrels. Leaning down and plugging the other side I repeated the process I had become so familiar with and let the high take effect.

I leaned against the wall in slid down. With my knees to my chest and my head lying between them, all that was left to do... was cry. So I did. Crying for him, for myself, for my friends, for everything. I let it all go in this moment to hopefully feel just a little bit better when I was finally sober again, but secretly knowing that I wouldn't. This was it. This... was rock bottom, and there's no turing back now.

I picked myself up off the ground and made my way towards my bed. Sliding on a silk nightgown I pulled the covers down and climbed in. Laying my head down and I let my mind wander to the events of that fateful night and let them play like a loop in my head. It was afterall... the last time I was truly happy.

_"Blair bear?" I heard my father calling. "Are you ready to go yet? We don't have much time before it starts."_

_He was taking me to see _a _broadway musical, and absolutely refused to tell me what show. He said he wanted it to be a surprise to me. I think he just wanted to make sure I'd go. Surprises always bothered me, made me curious so ultimately I had to see what was going on, and he knew that so he used it to his advantage every chance he got. _

_"I'm almost ready" I yelled back as I looked at myself once more in the mirror. Making sure my dress was smoothed and my headband straight I started walking towards the door, but as usual, before I could make it out the door my phone rang. Looking down to see Chucks name... I knew I had to take it._

_"What do you want Bass" I answered harshly as I picked up the call. We haven't exactly been on the best of terms I guess you could say. All the games that he kept playing with me were starting to get old. First he wants me, then he doesn't. I can never keep track of whats really going on anymore and its starting to bug me, so avoiding Chuck Bass, is exactly what I was doing. He didn't seem to get the memo since he refused to leave me alone._

_"Well I'm pretty sure you already know what I want Waldorf, you just don't seem to into playing the part." He slyly replied back._

_Of course I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to tell him that I loved him. That... I would never do. Not until I heard it first. I was sick of playing this game. I'm not gonna put my heart out there only to have him crush it into tiny little pieces for his own amusement._

_"And neither are you. Like I said in Brooklyn, I'm done playing games. So as I stated before... What do you want Bass?"_

_"My my... are we a bit testy today? Whats the rush? A little fun never hurt anyone"_

_This is gonna get old. "I'm busy and growing more impatient by the second. Any particular reason as to why you're annoying me this time or is this just another game from you."_

_"A game it is not" I stopped dead and my tracks and tightened my posture_

_"What are you doing here?" I snapped as I whipped my head around to find none other than Chuck Bass standing in my doorway clad in his suit and that god forsaken scarf._

_"What no 'Hi how are you?' 'Nice to see you'?" He made his way towards me which only caused me to step back a little further. "And here I thought you liked me"_

_"Well I guess in that case you thought wrong. Now I repeat my question, what are you doing here?" I made to move around him but was only stopped by his hand on my arm._

_"Actually... your father invited me. Seemed to think we should go out and have a little fun. Though I'm pretty sure he doesn't quite know the fun we've already had now does he?"_

_"You're heinous" I spat pulling my arm away. _

_"You love it"_

_"No... what I love, is my father. So if you'll escuse me, we have a date."_

_"Oh contrare Waldorf... You and I have a date. You're father is going out with your mother."_

_I had to laugh at that one. My mother actually going out with my father. The same man she divorced not so long ago. I highly doubt it._

_"Goodbye Chuck. You and I don't have a date. I'll go by myself before I let you, of all people, accompany me"_

_And then it hit me. There was never a musical. My own father had set me up. He knew everything that was going on with Chuck. He knew how distraught it made me from time to time. I was so gonna have a talk with him in the morning._

_Walking down the stairs with Chuck slowly in tow I went to find the Father in question. Looking around and not finding him or my mother I immediately yelled for Dorota._

_"Yes Ms. Blair" She responded as she quickly made her way over to me._

_"Where are my parents" I asked quickly still scanning the room._

_"They went on date Ms. Blair. Said they'll be back soon" She replied a bit nervously. "Mr. Harold told me to give you this" She said after a few seconds, handing me an envelope. "He said not to be mad, but that it was in your best interest to do it."_

_Grabbing the envelope I flipped it over and opened it impatiently. Inside I found a card with 2 tickets to the musical of my choice and dinner for 2 wherever I so choose to go._

_With a stomp of my feet I turn back to Dorota. "You tell my father I'd like to have a word with him when he gets back" Turning around I yell "C'mon Chuck"_

**_XOXOXOXOXOXOXO_**

_Turns out that was one of the best nights of my life. I actually had a lot of fun with Chuck. We went to go see Chicago then on to dinner at Masa which was absolutely delicious. From there back to my place where Chuck and I... just talked. For the first time there was no sarcasm, no anger or hostility, no sexual inuendos, just talk. About life and love and plans for the future. Stuff we've never talked about before. It made me actually like him that much more._

_He must have been there 2 hours before he actually left. Saying he had a meeting early the next morning with his father about investing in another bar downtown. With a kiss on the cheek and very nice hug, he was gone._

_I went back upstairs to get ready for bed when I heard the door. They were home. I ran downstairs for that little talk with my father, but he wasn't any where around. I asked my mother where he was but she just ingnored me and walked off in a huff. I walked back upstairs and waited as long as I could before sleep over took me._

_I was awoken the next morning by my mother frantically shaking me telling me to get up... there'd been an accident. I sat up straight in bed and saw on her face exactly who it was. She may not have liked him all that much, but she knew how much he meant to me and that was all she cared about. _

_"He didn't make it honey"_

_Those were the only words I heard spoken to me that morning. I couldn't comprehend anything else. He was gone. My entire world was crashing down around me and he wasn't here to protect me._

I guess you could say that morning was the start of my demise. I didn't know exactly what happened or how it happened, all I knew, was he didn't make it. What a way to remember something huh? Imagine having that night and that fateful day replaying in your mind over, and over, and over again. Its definetly one that never leaves. One that haunts you until you die.

I finally got tired of remembering and just curled up in a ball waiting for sleep to come. I don't sleep well at night. I mainly toss and turn with the occassional memory of that day. Churning and burning its way into my brain making sure I never forget.

I woke up in a cold sweat to find a body sitting on my bed. Rubbing my eyes letting them adjust to the sudden darkness I saw who it was. My face contorted as I set the meanest look on my face that I could conjure up at that moment.

"What do you want" I growled.

My glass vial was suddenly thrust into my face as they spoke. "You wanna explain to me what the hell you're doing with that?"

My stomach hit my throat as I tried my best to think of something to say. This was the last thing I wanted them to know. This would only prove exactly how weak I had become. So I did what I do best... I pushed the vial to the side, rolled over, and ignored them.

"Get out" was all I could say. It wasn't mean, or harsh. Just a mere statement that sounded more like begging.

Once I felt the weight lift off the bed and the door shut I curled back into my little ball and cried some more. Tomorrow was a new day. Tomorrow I would be better...

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

So... what did you think?! Was it up to par?! I'm seriously freaking out about this one. Its definetly AU at points and maybe a little OOC at times, but I thought it was a different kind of take with whats going on in the show right now. PLEASE HIT THE PRETTY LITTLE REPLY BUTTON AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!

*SHELL*


	2. A little bit broken

**TITLE: **Battered, Bruised, and Broken

**RATING: **T as of now...

**SUMMARY: **Ever had one of those days you wish you could take back and have start all over? I have. But I'm pretty sure that'll never happen so now I must live with the changes it has brought and the chaos that I'm sure will show.

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Gossip Girl, the Characters or anything else for that matter. I'm just taking them out for a little play time. Hope you don't mind...

**I just wanted to give a special thanks to nicolexox123 for being the only one to review amongts the 200+ that looked at or read this story!! Reviews mean the world to me so thank you bunches!!**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**Chapter 2 - A little bit broken**

I woke up the next morning to one of the worst headaches I've had to date. One of those where just light hurts your head even more. I did everything I could to keep from moving around to much or even opening my eyes for fear of my headache getting any worse. Realizing that it wasn't going to just stop on its own I rolled myself out of my bed and headed for the shower. Maybe a hot shower and some asprin would help my cause. It was about my only option at this point.

I reached into the shower and cut on the water making sure I had it as hot as I could handle it before getting in. I leaned against the wall and just let the water cascade down my body. Relishing in the warmth I felt, I massaged the shampoo into my hair trying to dull the pain of my ongoing headache. When I was finally clean and my headache slowly getting better I got out of the shower and dried off.

Wrapping up in a towl I started searching the counter for my little glass vial. After searching for what seemed like hours I finally remembered where it was. I walked out of my bathroom and over to my bed where I tore my bedding apart frantically trying to find it.

"Looking for this" He said while holding up my vial.

My face must have turned 5 different shades of red as anger surged through my body. "What are you doing here Chuck?" I asked as I stomped over to him and reached for the vial.

Easily snatching it out of the way he grabbed my wrist with his free hand. "Why are you doing this to yourself Blair? You're better than that."

I snatched my arm out of his grip and backed away. "No... I used to be better than that. Now... I'm just a whole new breed of Blair." I said with more bitterness than was intended.

Chuck slowly walked towards me as he spoke. "I don't think you are. You're still the same old Blair I know, you're just a little broken right now" He reached his hand up and ran his thumb down my cheek.

"You should go" I whispered as I recoiled from his touch as if he had burned me

"You say that, but you don't mean it" He stepped towards me once more

"Thats where you're wrong. I do in fact want you to leave, so if you would be so kind..." I motioned towards the door "I'm sure you know the way out.

He was so close to me now that I could feel his warm breath on my face as he spoke. "I may be leaving now, but I will be back. You can't keep me away Blair. You don't have the strenght to. You need me" He turned on his heel and showed his self out.

It took everything I had inside me not to break down right there. I couldn't keep doing this. I couldn't keep having him try to save me when I couldn't even save myself. He deserved so much better than this. I truly did care about him. More than I should at this point in time, and as much as I knew I needed him, and he knew I needed him, I couldn't stand to be around him. He brought up all these memories from when I was happy and when my life was good, and it killed me to think back to those times because thats when my father was alive. I don't have him now and I feel responsible in some way for it. I have no right to be happy.

I walked to my closet and grabbed a pair of skinny jeans a top and got dressed. Who needs to be all dressed up when they're rarely around people?

I slowly desended the stairs making my way towards the kitchen. I needed food and Dorota was always there to help.

"Dorota" I said walking into the large kitchen.

When she didn't answer I began to look around for her to see if she was actually around and just didn't hear me. "Dorota?" I questioned as I walked through the dining room.

"Blair" I heard my mother say as she rounded the corner "What are you still doing here? You should be at school"

"I'm not going" I replied with a scowl on my face "Its a waste of my time now"

"Blair" My mother sighed as she walked over to me "You have to let him go now. He's gone and walking around depressed all the time isn't going to bring him back. Its not what he would have wanted"

"YEA!" I screamed "And how would you know that?! You divorced him and hardly ever saw him after that. You're the last person in the world who would have known what he wanted" I turned away from her and quickly ran to my room with her closely in tow.

"You can't keep doing this Blair" She yelled after me. "You can't keep acting as if it didn't happen. The accident did happen" She grabbed my arm as I reached the top step and turned me around to face her. "I may not have known everything about your father, but I do know that he loved you, and all he would have wanted was for you to go on living your life and actually being happy. He would have wanted you to cherish the times you had together and not dwell on his death."

"BUT HE IS DEAD" I screamed at her as heavy tears began to fall from my eyes "He's dead and its all my fault. If I wouldn't have been with Chuck I would have been with him, and he wouldn't have been so late coming back and that driver never would have hit him."

"You don't know that Blair" She spoke softly now "Everything happens for a reason. Harold had bigger and better things to do beyond this place"

I looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "You can't be serious. He died because a drunk driver ran a stop sign and hit the cab he was in. What kind of reason is that?!" I was so fed up with this conversation that I just walked off. I needed to get away from her.

I ran to my room, slammed, and locked my door before throwing myself onto my bed in a fit of tears. I'm so tired of crying. I'm so tired of hurting. I just want it to all be gone. To leave and never return to my body. I'd rather be numb forever than have to feel like I do now for the rest of what pathetic life I have left.

Thats when I made the call. Chuck may have left with what little bit of coke I had left, but I did have the resources to get more. My guy told me he'd have in within the hour and he'd give me a call when I could come and pick it up. Until then, I would sleep.

**XOXOXOXOXOXO**

An hour later he called me just as he said he would. I was on my way out the door to pick it up when none other than Chuck Bass appeared in my doorway.

"I thought I told you to leave Bass" I snarled as I tried to push past him

"I did leave" He said with a smile on his face "And then I came back"

"Well I'm leaving now. Feel free to stick around if you so choose, but you'd better be gone by the time I get back" I finally made my way past him only to be stopped by Serena

"What are you doing here?" I asked in surprise. I hadn't seen or heard from her in almost a week. I figured she'd finally gotten the hint that I wanted to be left alone.

"We need to talk Blair" She said sweetly

"About what?" I questioned though I'm pretty sure I knew what she wanted.

Thats when she pulled out my vial. I whipped my head around and shot Chuck the nastiest look I could at the time. "Theres nothing to talk about" I pushed my way passed her and ran down the stairs.

I swung open the front door only to be stopped with yet another so called friend. "You might as well leave Nate. I'm not gonna talk to you or anyone else. Its just a waste of your time to be here" I made to go around him but he blocked my doorway and pushed me back inside.

"You may not want to talk, but we're going to talk to you" He told me as he walked me over to the couch. "You need us now more than ever" He said motioning towards Serena and Chuck standing to my left

"This..." He started as he grabbed the vial from Serena "is not you. Your so much better than this Blair" He sat down beside me on the couch and grabbed my hand he squeezed it "You used to be able to talk to me about anything Blair. Talk to me. Whats going on"

I turned my stair from his hands on mine to the floor. "I'm done talking. I have nothing to say to you" I said looking at him "Or anyone else for that matter" I turned my gaze to where Chuck and Serena were standing and stood up.

"None of you can save me. Don't you see it" I cried "I can't even save myself so you three shouldn't even be trying"

It was Chucks turn now as he walked right up to me and stood mere inches from my face. "We're not leaving you Blair. You've stood beside all of us through everything. Now we're returning the favor."

"Well don't. I don't want your help" I spat at him "You especially."

I turned around and walked off. It didn't take Serena long to catch up. "Blair wait"

I stopped and stood exactly where I was. "Listen Serena. I don't need your help, or Nate's, or Chuck's. This is something I need to do on my own. So if you'll excuse me, I'm on my way out" With that I opened the door and walked out.

I needed my anti-life drug now more than ever. With my head pounding and my eyes burning I hailed a cab and started on my way to a little bit of freedom and piece of mind

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

Well... there it is. The second chapter. I know its short, but I re-wrote it so much I figured I'd better post what I have if its ever going to get posted. I hope everyone enjoyed it that read it. If you'll be so kind. Please leave a review. They make me smile!!!


	3. Grievence

**TITLE:** Battered, Bruised, and Broken

**AN: So I had this chapter outlined and planned and knew exactly where I wanted to take it, but I rewrote it. A very close friend of mine passed away this morning. He's been battling cancer for the last 2 1/2 years. So I thought that if I could portray that sadness into Blairs sadness I just might have been able to portray them just right. This chapter might be a jumbled mess with typos and to fast a pace but I wanted to go ahead and post it while I could. I'ma be busy the rest of this week so I'm not sure when I can update again. Please Review at the end!! Thanks...**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**Chapter 3: Greivence**

"She's clearly in denial" Hazel said as she was talking to Iz. "She's depressed and lonely and has absolutely no friends. I feel absolutely terrible for the girl"

They'd been watching Blair all day as she sulked around school avoiding everyone that crossed her path. Making sure she didn't have to talk to a single soul about her father.

"You'd think after 4 months she would have come to terms with it." Iz replied

"I know right. Its like she wants everyone to feel bad for her. Always the center of attention" Hazel scoffed "If she only knew how truly pathetic she looked."

"I wonder why Serena and the boys try so hard..." Iz spoke as she stared off into space "I mean if I was them, I wouldn't even bother. She's really not worth all the effort"

"I guess its a really good thing I have such great friends then huh?" Blair stood tall above them on the stone steps. Glaring just as harshly as she could as she moved to stand in front of them "You know, when one talks shit, they should really do it where the object of their affection can not hear said conversation"

Hazel and Iz stood up in front of Blair. Holding their stance with arms crossed over their chests.

"Well you truly shouldn't be as pathetic as you are and we wouldn't have to talk about you quite so much. You just so happen to make a great topic for conversation so why pass it up?" Hazel asked

Blair had had enough. One step forward and she had shoved Hazel to the ground. Iz stared in utter disbelief at what had just happened.

"You're just as pathetic as the rest of these idiots at this school" Blair yelled down at Hazel. "You have to talk shit about me to make yourself feel better." Hazel sat up and scooted backwards as Blair advanced on her "So whose really more pathetic Hazel? The girl who talks shit about the girl who lost her father, or the girl who lost her father?"

She shoved Hazel once more as she finished speaking "I'm sorry if the fact that I can't exactly get over my fathers death makes me so far beneath you that you feel the need to talk shit. I'm sorry if the fact that I don't talk to any of my friends upsets you. I'm sorry if my friends actually caring enough to keep trying to help me get over this loss makes you feel superior to me. But I do have knews for you bitch" She shoved her once more "I am, always have been, and always will be, better than you."

Chuck and Nate appeared just about the time Blair went to shove Hazel yet again. Chuck grabbing her by her waist and pulling her away kicking and screaming. "You two should be ashamed of yourselves" Nate threw them a nasty glance and walked off towards Chuck and Blair.

"Let me go" Blair yelled at Chuck as he put her feet back on the ground away from Hazel and Iz. "You shouldn't have done that Chuck" She spat as she tried to walk around him.

"Oh yea, and why's that?" He shot back "So you could have gotten yourself expelled because of those pathetic excuses of human beings?"

"It would have been better than having to come here everyday listening to everyones theorys on my life as if I didn't exist"

"You're better than them Blair" Nate spoke up "You always have been. Don't sink to their level now. Not when thats exactly what they want you to do."

"Oh spare me the good boy lecture Nate. Its not like you've had to listen to everyone talk about you in such a degrading manner that it only makes the death of your father that much worse"

Blair walked off after that. She couldn't handle it anymore. Couldn't handle having everyone's eyes on her, examining her every move. She had to get out of there.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

"Dorota" I called out as I walked into my home. "Dorota" I called again once I didn't recieve and answer back.

"Yes Miss Blair" She replied hurrying towards me with a basket of clothes.

"I just wanted to tell you I was home" Dorota always worried about me now. Checking up on my every move making sure I didn't do anything I wasn't supposed to that could get me into trouble with my mother.

"You're early" She replied as she sat down the basket "Everything okay?" She asked. Its kind of funny that she actually cares more about my well being than my own mother does

"Just a little disagreement with a couple of girls at school" I told her brushing off the situation "Nothing I couldn't handle"

"Those girls so bad." She said as I walked off.

She resumed the chores she was doing as I walked up to my room. A little silence is exactly what I needed.

Laying back on my bed I thought back to the conversation with Hazel. Was I really that pathetic? Thats all I could keep asking myself. I didn't see myself as that pathetic. I mean, I did lose my father after all. Its not something someone gets over all that fast. Or do they?

I couldn't quit contemplating all of these theorys in my head. So maybe it had been 4 months since his death. Maybe I wasn't dealing with it the correct way, but is there really a correct way to deal with a death when the person who died is so close to your heart it kills you to think about them?

Finally giving up on my thought process I curled up on my side and let sleep invade my body. I was so emotionally exhausted a nap was exactly what I needed.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

I woke up a couple hours later to my mothers angry voice. "Blair!" Why did she always have to yell "Get down here now!"

I slowly made my way to the edge of my bed and sat there for a minute. She could wait. Its not like I didn't know what conversation we were about to have anyway. It was only a matter of time before it got around. What with Gossip Girl constantly on the lookout and all.

"Coming" I yelled down. I made my way downstairs to see her pacing back and forth. "You yelled" I said as I got closer to her.

"What were you thinking?!" She screamed at me "Fighting in school?! Are you trying to get yourself kicked out of Constance?!"

"Yes mom, thats exactly what I was doing" The sarcasm clearly lacing my words "I just so happened to wake up this morning and say to myself 'Hey, I think I'm gonna have these two crazy bitches talk shit about me so I can get in a fight with them and get kicked out of school. We all know my mother would love that one'" I moved past her and walked towards the dining room. Eleanor closely in tow.

"Why must you make things so difficult Blair?!" She cut me off as I tried to walk into the kitchen. "We all miss him, but you..." She started shaking her head "You just have to make it so much worse than it actually is. Not only for yourself, but for eveyone involved as well."

She seemed clearly dissapointed. What a shocker that was. She was always dissapointed in me. Apparently I'm just not the daughter she so clearly wanted me to be.

"You know what mother... I'm done having this conversation" I pushed past her and into the kitchen. As I went to open the refrigerator door she grabbed my arm.

"No... No we're not. You're gonna talk about this whether you want to or not." Her voice was firm and held no sense of backing down.

I guess this is it. The conversation that I really didn't want to have. "Alright mother, since you clearly won't let this go, or me for that matter" I looked down at my arm "What exactly do you want to talk about?"

"How about why you're so hell bent on destroying your life these days" She spoke softly releasing her grip on my arm "How about the fact that you're pushing your friends away when all they want to do is help"

She stood silent waiting for my answer. When she didn't get one she started speaking again. "Blair, we all love you. We want to help you, but we can't if won't let us."

"I don't need help" Was my simple reply as I looked away from her. "Yes you do" She quickly retorted "You need each and everyone of us and you know it."

"You can't fix this!" I screamed at her. I was sick of this conversation already. "You can't bring him back can you?!" When she didn't say anything I finished "Thats what I thought" I went to move away and she blocked me once again

"No... I can't fix it, but I can help you. We all can" She stepped out of the way revealing Chuck, Serena, and Nate all standing quietly in the corner of the room.

"You staged and intervention" I scoffed "You've clearly lost your mind if you think this is going to help me"

Chuck was the first to speak "Talking will help Blair." He walked towards me "You taught me that" My mother moved away so Chuck could be the one to stand in front of me.

"Apparently I was wrong" I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the wall. If I couldn't leave, I might as well make myself a little more comfortable

"No you weren't. You know better than anyone that I don't talk to people about anything, but you got me to open up, and I felt so much better afterwards. I'm sure if you talked about this you'd feel better too" The way he spoke was almost foreign to me. So soft and gentle.

"Yea well your father is alive so that makes your statement null and void." I looked towards Nate and Serena "Next?" I questioned, but Chuck continued to speak

"He may be alive, but that doesn't mean anything and you know it" His voice was a little harsher this time, holding more authority to get his point across.

He was right, his father might have been alive, but he wasn't truly a father to Chuck. "I'm sorry" I told him as I looked at the ground. Now I felt bad

"Don't be." He lifted my chin to look at him "Just talk to me, or even Nate or Serena or your Mom" He looked over at them then back at me "Talk to someone."

"Don't you get it" My voice getting harsher "I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to wake up and realize that he truly is gone" I broke down. My body sunk to the ground. I put my face and my hands and just cried.

Chuck was right there. Rubbing my back; speaking sofly. "But he is Blair. You have to accept that. Once you do, you'll feel that much better"

"NO I WON'T!" I screamed at him "He'll still be gone and I'll still be just as sad. None of you understand this so why are you trying so damn hard" Now I was fed up.

"Because you make it out to be your fault and its not. You had nothing to do with his untimely death. Don't you see that?"

"No... you know why?" I asked with sorrow lacing every word "Because I should have been with him that night. Not with you"

"He wanted you to be with him honey" Of course she'd have to chime in now "He really liked Chuck" The smile on her face was small, but I could see it "He seemed to think he was a very nice young man" Chuck moved out of the way so she could sit in front of me. "He told me so while we were at dinner."

I was confused now. I thought their dinner hadn't gone so well. "What are you talking about?"

"That night... that night that your father and I went to dinner he told me how he thought you and Chuck should be together" She sat back remembering the night "He seemed to think you were perfect for each other."

I looked at her in disbelief as she continued "I wasn't so convinced" She looked almost sad at the confession "I told him you deserved better than a womanizing alcoholic." She looked back at Chuck apologetically as the three of them made their way to the door.

Looking back at me she went on. "Thats why I came home before he did. We fought about it over dinner. He tried so hard to convince me that that boy was good for you, and I just didn't want to see it. I couldn't see it"

She sighed and look at me with possibly the sadest look I had ever seen her wear. "If anyone should be to blame over this its me. I was the reason he alone and in a taxi cab. I couldn't stand to hear him praise Chuck, and go on and on about how much he thought that boy truly cared about you"

I had to smile. My father always did know best. "But I see now that I was wrong about the whole thing. Chuck truly does care for you Blair. If you won't talk to me about this, please at least talk to him. He wants to help."

For some reason that upset me. I couldn't quite understand why because for some time now all I wanted was for Chuck to care. "Well I'm not going to talk to him, so you might as well give it up" My voice harsh and my body fridgid

"Why?" She asked softly "Why won't you talk to him"

"Because this is as much his fault as it is yours" I spat. I was blaming him now. "My parents fought over him and my father and now gone because of it." I was crying again "You left him there over a conversation about Chuck, why would I talk to him about this?"

"Because I truly do care Blair" He was standing there? I thought he left!

I'm pretty sure the shocked expression on my face was evident. He wasn't supposed to be here. "Leave!" I cried at him "I never want to see you again"

My mother stood up and walked out. I watched as she walked up the stairs and out of my sight.

"Don't you listen" I yelled at him as he blocked my exit "I don't want you here. GET OUT!" I pushed at him with everything I had and he barely moved.

"No... I won't... You need me" He whispered softly

"I have no use for the guy who is partially the reason my father is now dead" My voice couldn't have been colder if I tried.

"If blaming me is what helps you come to terms with your fathers death than that is a burden I am willing to carry" His voice was sincere and his eyes soft. But something in me just couldn't let it go.

"Now that we have that settled. Leave" I pointed towards the door, but he made no movement at all.

"No..." There was that softness again "I won't leave. You need me, whether you see it or not, you do"

"Wasn't it you that told me we weren't together?" I questioned, my voice rising with each word I spoke "Wasn't it you that told compared me to your fathers horese? Wasn't it you... that played games with my emotions to get me to say those 3 little words that you wanted to hear?! Why would I want you here?"

"Because I'm me" He stated plainly. "And you're you. We're Blair and Chuck.... Chuck and Blair." He took my hand and his staring straight into my eyes as if he were looking into my soul. "The worst thing you've ever done, The darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through anything."

"Why would you do that?" I questioned searching his eyes

"Because... I... Love you" The air in my lungs caught in my throat as my heart stopped beating. Had he really just said those words. I surpressed all the niceties I had in me and conjured up the coldest thing I could say to make him leave.

"Well thats too bad"

The softness in his eyes never waverd as he stood up and let go of my hand. He made his way out the door and shut it softly. Once I was sure he was gone I broke down. In just 4 months I have made possibly the biggest mess of my life. My fathers dead, my mother could possibly be to blame, and the one boy whose captured my heart is at the epicenter of it all and I just sent him away.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**So what did you think?! Was it up to par. I did use the last lines from 2.13. I just loved them so much I had to. They seemed perfect for the ending of this. I hope I didn't disapoint now if you would be so kind as to review... they make me smile... and I need a smile!!**

**XOXO SHELL**

**RATING:** T as of now...

**SUMMARY:** Ever had one of those days you wish you could take back and have start all over? A twist on 2x13. Blairs father dies and her friends are left to pick up the pieces. 4 months later and she's on a downward spiral of drugs and alcohol. Can they save her?

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Gossip Girl, the Characters or anything else for that matter. I'm just taking them out for a little play time. Hope you don't mind...


	4. Attack in the Night

**So.. I'm pretty crappy.. I haven't updated this story is over 2 years.. how lame.. I was sitting at home.. my son sleeping at 2 in the morning and I was going through my stories and found this one.. I attempted to start another chapter a while ago, but got nowhere with it.. Today.. I'm going to try.. I have a lot of free time now with no job and just 2 days of school.. so this shall be my new project.. I haven't exactly been as into Gossip Girl as I once was.. story lines and all.. my heart seems to be with Vampire Diaries as of late.. I would however like to finish this.. So for those of you kind enough to read I hope you review.. they do drive me to push out chapters.. I hope you will all bare with me as I once again get my footing for this story.. So without further adu.. here is the next chapter for Battered Bruised and Broken**

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

**RATING:** T as of now...

**SUMMARY:** Ever had one of those days you wish you could take back and have start all over? A twist on 2x13. Blair's father dies and her friends are left to pick up the pieces. 4 months later and she's on a downward spiral of drugs and alcohol. Can they save her?

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Gossip Girl, the Characters or anything else for that matter. I'm just taking them out for a little play time. Hope you don't mind...

**Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

**Chapter 4: Attack in the night**

It couldn't have been more than an hour after Chuck left that I made the call to my favorite dealer. I needed him and my heaven more than ever. After everything that has happened today with everyone trying to "fix" me, I needed my escape from reality and all that comes with it.

It didn't take long for me to get where I was going. I met up with him and quickly handed over the cash while he swiftly passed me the glorious white powder I had been waiting on. I knew I couldn't wait to get home to forget the day and feel free, so I found the closest store with a bathroom and went in.

I didn't have anything on me that would allow me to cut out the clean lines I usually preferred so I had to find a new way to get high. I pulled out my wallet and took out my trusty straw. Sticking it straight in the back, I took my first hit.

I leaned against the wall for support, soon feeling the effects of the drug take its course. I closed my eyes and slid down the wall beginning to forget my day. Realizing that I didn't have the feeling of heaven that I was looking for I slowly leaned forward and took another long hit straight out of the bag. The hits were a bit stronger than I was used to, causing me to cough a little as the power hit my throat, but that was what I wanted, a stronger hit to make my day disappear.

After at least 20 minutes of sitting in the bathroom I got up and made my way out of the store. Walking into the desolate street I did my best to hail a taxi. Once I realized there wasn't much around I pulled out my cell phone and made a call.

It didn't take long for the taxi to appear. I slowly slid in and gave the man my address and laid down in the seat feeling the full effects of the white heavenly powder begin to take effect. It felt like I had been in the car for 5 seconds when the man yelled to me that I was home. I sat up and looked out the window slowly realizing that this was not my home, this was not the address I had given the man. I looked at him, but couldn't begin to find the words to speak; it was as if I had no voice. He stared at me and pushed for me to get out of his cab. I handed over the cash and stepped out looking at the hotel that I seemed to have found my way to.

Watching the cab leave I had an internal debate within myself. My voice of reason arguing with my new found attitude. Should I go in, and face what was bound to come my way, or try walking home in my current state of mind to avoid everything that was.. Chuck Bass. My new found attitude ultimately won out. I turned in the direction of where I needed to go, and started walking.

It was probably half way through this disastrous trip that I realized I was completely stupid for deciding to walk when I was wearing 4 inch heels. Not my smartest decision to date, but rather than call another cab, I took off my shoes, and kept on walking. It gave me time to think about everything; clearly my heaven was wearing off. Thinking was not my goal when I set out on this trip, forgetting, however, is exactly what I wanted.

I stopped in an alley way and pulled out my little bag. Quickly finding my straw, I plugged the left side of my nose and quickly snorted my next hit. Leaning my head back and wiping my nose, I closed my eyes and waited for my heaven to quickly invade my body. Finally satisfied with the feeling I had, I walked out of the alley way and started back walking.

I was stopped in my tracks as a man stepped out of the shadows and approached me.

"What is a pretty little girl like you doing out at a time like this?" He said to me.

I ignored him and kept on walking, trying not to ruin the slight high I finally had back.

"You must not have heard me" He stepped in front of me and stated "I said what is a pretty girl like you doing out at a time like this?"

Once again ignoring him I made a move to walk around him, but was stopped dead in my tracks as he grabbed my arm and pulled me straight towards him.

"And just where do you think you're going?" I tried to push him off, but his grip was clearly tightening with each move I made. "You really shouldn't be walking.. all alone.. at this time of night" He breathed into my ear.

My body shuddered and I closed my eyes. This cannot be happening right now. I was on the way to forgetting and already bad day, and this loser from a dark alley was trying to make it worse.

"Please, just let me go. I was heading home" I looked away trying not to look at the man that was clearly trying to hurt me.

"Why would I do that? It's not every day a pretty girl like yourself wanders out, all alone, late at night" The creepy smile on his face made my skin crawl.

"Look, I've had a really bad day. I just want to get home. Please, just let me go" I tried to pull my arm out of his grasp, but he only tightened it. Clearly, this was not going to be good.

He looked as if he was actually contemplating letting me go, then his face quickly turned dark as he yanked me into the dark alley.

I made a move to run, but failed miserably. He quickly shoved me into the brick wall and boxed me in. "I think I'd rather you stick around a while, this could be fun"

He pressed his mouth to my ear and I felt his hot, wet tongue slid its way up my cheek. Disgusting.

I knew at this point what this man wanted from me, and I had one of two options. I could scream for help, which would then upset him and more than likely force him to press his hand over my face and shove me further into the concrete wall, or I could attempt to make a run for it. I was shoeless after all. I believe running barefoot would be much easier than running in 4 inch heels. I stood there, frozen against the wall as he further touched me in ways that are completely improper for anyone to do without a proper invitation. I knew what I had to do.

I had my shoes still grasped tightly in my hand. I dropped one and position the other so that I had the back end of the shoe in my hand, allowing me to jab the heel into the side of his head. Waiting patiently and running all scenarios in my head, I tried to find the perfect moment where his head would be in the perfect spot for me to get a clean shot to the side of his temple. With the tight grip he had on my arm I had to wait until he was distracted before I could make my move.

I stood firmly against the wall as his face descended slowly down my neck and towards my chest. This was my moment, the perfect chance for me to hit him, and I did. I landed the hardest blow I could muster into the side of his head and clearly stunned him. He fell backwards and grabbed his head as I ran like hell. I grabbed my phone out of my purse as fast as I could and dialed the one number I had set on speed dial.

"Hello" came the groggy answer. Clearly he was sleeping.

"Chuck" I screamed into the phone "I need your help, this man is trying to attack me! I'm outside your apartment.."

I didn't get to say anything else before I was hit from behind. I laid on the ground screaming for Chuck to help me not even knowing if he heard a word of what I was saying.

The man pulled me to my feet as I kicked and screamed trying to get him to let me go.

"That was a really stupid move!" He was angry now. Maybe that wasn't such a smart idea.

He dragged me back to the alley way and shoved me even harder against the wall, using his body to pin me to it.

So this is it, I thought as he bit and licked whatever part of skin he could get to. This is the moment where I finally realize the mistakes I've been making. He was roughly grabbing at my clothes trying to tear them off of my body as I cried silent tears and I gave up the fight. What was the use? I'd be slowly killing myself for a while now. Why not let this man do what I've been trying to do since I lost my father?

My body went limp against his and he pressed me harder into the bricks. What have I done to myself? I went out late at night to get high at a corner store in a dirty bathroom, gave the cab driver the wrong address, decided to walk instead of go into the building and deal with Chuck, and now here I am, in a dark alley being violated by a stranger praying that Chuck would show up.

I was so close to completely giving up. I had already stopped fighting, my high was wearing off, and I could feel every rip and tear of clothing as this guy tried to get closer and closer to his desired mission. I cried heavy tears and prayed that it would all just stop. I was tired of hurting, yet the hurt I kept feeling was brought on by none other than me.

It dawned on me then that I had the power to change the outcome of every situation that life through at me. I could get past anything if I tried hard enough. My father taught me that. He wouldn't want me to just give up and let this guy hurt me, he wouldn't want me to give up on my life just because I had lost him. He would want me to continue to fight through the pain, the way he taught me to. It was at that very moment that I began to fight back. I was not going to let this man hurt me, I was not going to give up on my life after losing my dad, he wouldn't want me to.

I kicked and hit and clawed with everything I had. Clearly he was not expecting it as I landed one swift knee to his groin. He rolled over and I crawled to my feet and ran as fast as I possibly could, not stopping a second to look behind and see where he was at. I ran towards Chucks apartment hoping with everything I had that he heard my frantic screams and was out looking for me.

"You really fucked up now!" I heard him yell. He was running after me. I heard his footsteps gaining on me and I only ran faster.

I was running so hard I barely had time to register the person standing in front of me until I ran into them.

"What the hell Blair?"

It was Chuck! Thank you god it was Chuck!

I clung to his body sobbing into his shoulder and his body stiffened.

"Go to my room and lock the door Blair" I didn't question it, I didn't even look at him. I moved out of his arms and ran as fast as I could without looking back, only hoping that nothing bad happened to Chuck.

As soon as I was safely locked away in his room I ran to the phone and dialed 911.

After making the call I knew I couldn't stay in the room without knowing what was going on with Chuck. I had to know he was okay. I had to make sure he was safe and unharmed.

I made my way down to the lobby and stood at the door trying to figure out my next move. Do I walk out and see for myself what is going on, or do I wait for the cops to show up.

The internal debate didn't last long and I walked outside and saw the man laying on the ground at Chucks feet. I was stunned. Was he dead? Did Chuck kill him? Or did Chuck beat the crap out of the man for harming me?

I slowly walked over, but didn't make it far before the cops surrounded the area screaming for us to put out hands up.

"I'm the one who called!" I yelled as I threw my hands in the air waiting for them to point their guns in another direction.

"Step away from the man!" I heard a cop yell to Chuck

He held his hands in the air and slowly walked away from the man. I was waiting for him to look at me, but he never did. He just stared at the man lying bloodied on the ground. I really hope he didn't kill him.

The cops quickly moved in pushing Chuck against a wall and putting him in handcuffs. I tried to run towards him, but was grabbed by a cop.

"Let me go!" I screamed "He didn't do anything!"

The cop looked at me and pulled me aside. "We need to find out what happened. That man over there" He pointed "Is unconscious, and this man that you claim didn't do anything was the one standing by his body, so what happened?"

I quickly ran through the story, all the time staring at Chuck. He never looked at me.

"He was just protecting me" I pleaded "You can't hurt him, that man was going to rape me" I was crying now. They couldn't take Chuck away, not like this, not when he was trying to keep me safe.

The cop walked away leaving me sitting on the ground staring off into space crying myself into oblivion.

I had my knees pulled to my chest and my head in between them as the cop walked back up to me.

"We're going to need you to come down to the station and give a statement Ms. Waldorf." I looked at him like he was stupid.

"Can't she do it tomorrow?" I looked over at Chuck while he quit talking to the other officer "After what she's been through tonight, I believe she deserves a break to calm down. She can't do that at the station. I'll bring her down first thing in the morning so she can give an official statement and I'll do the same. Just don't make her do it tonight"

I wanted to run to him. To hold on to him and never let go. I needed him, but I refrained and just stared at him a small smile playing on my lips. Always trying to protect me, yet he still didn't bat an eyelash my way.

The cop looked back at me and sighed "First thing in the morning Ms. Waldorf"

I nodded my head "I'll be there"

The cop turned away and the others followed dragging my attacker to the awaiting police car, leaving Chuck and I in their shadows.

As soon as they were gone I stood up. I waited for Chuck to turn my way and as soon as he did I ran, straight into his arms I ran.

His arms wrapped around me so tight and he just held me while I cried. He never said a word as he lifted me up and carried my tattered body inside. I felt him slowly sit down on the bed and I curled my body into his. I couldn't bear to look at him, or say anything and he didn't push. He just held me while I cried myself to sleep.

**Xoxoxoxoxoxo**

**And there you have it.. finally updated after 2 years. It seems rushed and kind of off to me, but I'll leave that to you lovely readers to decide. Please be kind and leave some feedback. I really need it at this point just to know how it was, and what you all thought of it. **

**Thanks much**

**Shell 3**


	5. Officer Richards

**RATING:** T as of now...

**SUMMARY:** Ever had one of those days you wish you could take back and have start all over? A twist on 2x13. Blair's father dies and her friends are left to pick up the pieces. 4 months later and she's on a downward spiral of drugs and alcohol. Can they save her?

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Gossip Girl, the Characters or anything else for that matter. I'm just taking them out for a little play time. Hope you don't mind...

**BTW.. I didn't proof read this.. it's almost 3.. I'm kind of tired and wanted to go ahead and post! If it's grammatically incorrect.. I send my apologies now!**

**Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

**Chapter 5 – Officer Richards**

"I really don't know Eleanor; she was a mess, not just physically, emotionally. I honestly don't know what happened or what led up to that."

I heard Chuck and my mother talking in hushed tones not far from where I was laying.

"She didn't say anything to you at all Chuck?" She sounded desperate, scared for me.

"No. She called and said she needed me. Someone was attacking her right outside the hotel. After that I heard her screaming and the phone disconnected." He made a slight pause and I could feel him looking at me without even seeing him. "By the time I saw her she was running frantically towards me crying her eyes out. She didn't even see me or know I was there until she ran into me. I told her to go inside and lock the door, and the next time I saw her she was outside and the cops were surrounding us." He sighed and I heard the ice in his glass swirling around. He was drinking. "When they left, she fell apart in my arms. I carried her upstairs and she fell asleep crying in my arms, and here you are."

I had no idea what time it was or how long my mother had been there. Part of me wanted to get up and acknowledge that I could hear everything they were saying, but the other part of me wanted to hear what they were going to say to each other while they thought I was sleeping.

"She needs help Chuck." She was crying now. "I don't know what to do. She's going to die if she keeps this up." She really was scared for me. I could hear it in her voice.

I knew all along that I was scaring her, and everyone else that cared about me, yet I still did horrible things and didn't even care that I did it. The hurt I felt every time I was awake and sober was too much for me to bear. I couldn't handle the pain so I did what I had to to make it go away. No one seemed to understand what I was going through, so what else could I do. Just act like I was ok to appease them and make them happy? I couldn't do that. I can act, but I'm not that good at it.

"Maybe last night was a wakeup call for her" Chuck stated "maybe now she understands the danger she's putting herself in."

"Was she high?" My mother asked, clearly upset by the thought.

"I believe she was, but I can't be certain. We didn't really engage much last night." He was walking around, pacing the floor even. "I've never seen her that upset, not even after Harold was killed" He sighed and plopped down on a bar stool. "Her eyes showed nothing but fear, almost as if she knew she could have died."

My mother was practically in hysterics now. I figured it was about time I made the move to act like I was waking up. We needed to talk.

I moaned slightly and stretched my arms. It didn't take long before they were both by my side waiting for me to open my eyes.

I slowly lifted my lids and groaned as the light hit my pupils. It was far too bright inside.

Chuck moved to the windows and closed the blinds, and quickly made his way back to me kneeling by my head.

"Hey" He quietly said as he brushed a strand of hair out of my face.

"Hi" I replied with a half smile as I tried to sit up. I cringed at the pain I felt and laid back down.

"Do you need help?" They both asked standing up by my side.

I nodded my head and the both helped me to sit up on the couch. "How are you feeling?" My mother asked me.

"I'm sore, really sore."

"Do you remember what happened last night?" She asked me

I thought back to the night's events and cringed nodding my head. "Vaguely"

"We need to go down to the police department and give a statement" Chuck told me. His face was soft and apologetic.

I didn't quite understand why he looked so apologetic. What did he have to be sorry for? I was the one hurting him, hurting everyone.

"When?" I asked

"As soon as you get a shower and clean up a little. Your mom brought some clothes over for you."

"They're nothing fancy" She told me "I thought you'd want to be comfortable today"

I didn't do comfortable. I always went out in my best. Even when I was buying dope, I was dressed to perfection. I made a face of disgust and tried to stand up.

"I'll go home and get some real clothes, I don't do comfortable mother"

She looked hurt, like what I said had burned her.

"I just thought.."

"Exactly" I said, cutting her off "you thought"

She was taken aback by my statement and backed away from me.

"I'm sorry" She said hanging her head.

"Don't be like that" Chuck told me firmly "She's only trying to help. After what you went through last night, we both thought that you would be sore, which you are, so comfortable clothes seemed like the best option"

"Well clearly neither of you knows what happened last night." I gritted my teeth "I'm fine" I stood up quickly, too quickly. My head was fuzzy causing me to close my eyes and hold my head. They were both at my side in milliseconds.

"I'm fine!" I shook their hands off of me as I walked away from them. "I'm going home" I walked towards the elevator and didn't look back.

Once I was outside I hailed and taxi and climbed in making sure to give the right address this time. The taxi driver nodded his head and pulled away.

Staring out the window I began to think about what just happened. My intentions were not to be mean to either of them, yet I was. I didn't understand it. Even when I try not to be mean, or say anything rude, I still do. Was that the drugs effect on me? To make me mean and irritable even when I don't want to me?

I sighed and leaned my head against the window. I really needed to make some changes in my life. My mother was right. I really was going to die if I kept this up.

**Xoxoxoxoxoxo**

It didn't take long for me to shower and get ready. It took much longer than expected to get dressed with how sore my body was, but I was finally ready to go. Checking myself over in the mirror once more, I nodded my head and walked out the door. It was time.

I hailed yet another taxi and made my way to the police station going over in my head what I needed to tell them. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about last night. I didn't want to cry again. I wanted to forget it, but clearly the officers weren't going to let me do that just yet.

Pulling up the police station I let out a hearty sigh and paid the taxi driver. "Here goes nothing" I said to myself as I stepped out of the taxi. I stared at the building for a long minute before walking in. I had to prepare myself for what was about to happen.

I walked in the building with my head held high. This was it, this was where I relive the events of the second worst night of my life.

"I need to speak with Officer Richards" I told the lady behind the desk.

She looked up at me and asked me who I was.

"I'm Blair Waldorf. He told me to come in today and give a statement about what happened last night" I told her.

She nodded her head like she knew what I was talking about, and then stood up.

"Follow me" She said walking in front of me.

She led me to a room, which I assumed was the interrogation room. "He'll be with you shortly" She told me before walking out and shutting the door behind her.

I looked around the room in awe. It was so bland. It had absolutely nothing in it accept for the desk I was sitting at and two chairs. One of which I was sitting in. This must be a good place to talk to someone and try and get the truth. There is absolutely nothing in here to distract someone, yet I'm sure I could find something to keep myself from talking.

It seemed to take forever for the Officer to come in and talk to me, but here he was. Sitting in front of me, asking question after exhausting question.

"I already told you" I said exasperated "I hit him in the head with the heel of my shoe"

"That you had in your hand" He cut me off. He was really starting to annoy me.

"Yes, that I had in my hand. When he stumbled backwards I ran away. I pulled my phone out of my purse and called Chuck" I had my head in my hands now. I was really getting tired of going over this.

"And what did you tell him" He asked as if he didn't already know.

"I told him I needed him. A man was attacking me right outside his hotel. The man hit me from behind and I dropped my phone. I screamed for Chuck to help me hoping that he would hear me and the man dragged me back to the alley"

"Then what happened" He questioned once more.

"You already know what happened!" I yelled at him "Why do you keep asking me the same damn questions when you keep getting the same answers?" I was over this. I was sick of talking to him. Sick of telling him the same thing over and over again.

"So tell me again Ms. Waldorf. Appease to my need to ask the same questions" The smug smile that came across his face made me want to hit him.

"He began to touch me, kiss me, attack me, yada yada yada"

"And then what" He pressed

"I fought back!" Did he seriously not hear me?

"So you assaulted the man?"

I was dumbfounded "Excuse me?" I asked

"You heard me." That stupid smug smile came back "You assaulted him. For the second time that night you assaulted this man you claim was attacking you"

He was pissing me off. "I'm not claiming he attacked me" I said through my teeth "I'm telling you that man was trying to rape me, and yes, I assaulted him, twice, and he deserved it" I sat back in the chair folding my arms across my chest

"So you admit to assaulting this man after he supposedly attacked you in a dark alley, trying to rape you?" He sat back in his chair and mimicked me.

"Yes Officer. I admit to attacking a man for trying to rape me in a dark alley! I admit to hitting that sorry excuse for a human being in the head with the heel of me shoe! I admit to landing a swift knee to his groin in a dark alley after he put his hands all over my body as if I were some piece of meat! I admit to everything! Is that what you want to hear?" I screamed to him across the table.

Tears were beginning to flow from my eyes and I put my head in my hands. I was so sick of going over this. Why couldn't he just let me go? Why was he trying to make me out to be the bad guy?

"Yes" He was silent for a moment. He was contemplating something.

"So this friend of yours, Chuck Bass, what did he do?"

"I don't know. He told me to go inside and lock the door. So I went inside, locked the door, and called 911."

"Right" He drawled out "So why were you outside when we arrived"

This guy should be fired. "I was scared for his safety. That man was violent. I was scared that he had hurt Chuck." Or that Chuck had hurt him I thought to myself letting out a long sigh.

"Well Ms. Waldorf something just doesn't seem right with that considering when we pulled up your friend Mr. Bass was standing over this man's bloodied body. Are you sure this wasn't some setup to hurt this man for no reason?"

I was completely caught off guard by his question. My mouth could have been laying on the table with how wide it was open.

"You must be kidding me?" I screamed "That piece of shit attacked me in a dark alley! Tried to Rape me! Could have killed my friend! And you want to ask me if it was a setup? The only setup here is you trying to make me out to be the bad guy when I'm the victim here!"

"Victims don't go out dressed like you do after supposedly being attacked in a dark alley." He motioned to my outfit "Victims don't fail drug tests and have their friends stand up for them and ask to come in the next day to give a statement."

"It wasn't a setup!" I was crying even harder now "My clothes say absolutely nothing about be being a victim or an attacker. I want to keep some form of normalcy in my life after a traumatic event. Is that such a bad thing?" I was out of energy. I couldn't keep doing this.

"And the drugs?" He questioned

How did he know about that? I didn't take a drug test. That had nothing to do with what happened!

"Have nothing to do with it" I returned.

"They have everything to do with it. When the EMT checked you out last night he knew you were high on something so we had her take your blood and test it. She told us you had enough coke in your system to take out a horse so clearly you've been doing this for a while. Walking around in the middle of the night alone is just asking for trouble" He was being very stern now "How do we know that you weren't out there looking for trouble. Druggies generally are trouble makers"

"I'm not a trouble maker!" How dare he insinuate such a thing? "My father was killed in a car accident not long ago! It's how I take away the pain!" I slammed my fist on the table "It's how I deal with the loss of losing someone in my life that meant more to me than anyone else" I once again laid my face in my hands and cried.

"It's also how silly little girls get in trouble and try to pin it on an innocent man. We see it all the time" He leaned across the table "Stupid little girls blame a guy and cry rape, when in reality, they're just crying out for attention"

"I don't want attention!" I pulled my face out of my hands "I want that man locked up for what he did to me!"

He stood up from his chair and moved towards the door. "You're free to go Ms. Waldorf"

What? After all that crap he just said to me. Insinuating that I was lying about being attacked, and setting up the man that did it, he was just going to let me go?

I sat at the desk completely baffled by what just happened. I stared up at him with the coldest look I could summon at the time before standing up. I stood directly in front of him between the door frame and spoke my words of piece. "You're the worst cop I've ever met in my entire life you asshole. If you want to think that I set that man up then you go ahead and think that, but that man really did fucking attack me and he deserves to pay for what he did. I'm sure I'll see you again in court. I look forward to the day" I turned on my heel and walked out.

I was just about at the door when I heard the officer talking to another cop. "She's telling the truth" He told him "There's no way she's that good of a liar"

Had I heard him correctly? Did he just put me through the ringer to see if I was telling the truth? I moved away from the door so that I couldn't be seen. I had to hear the rest of this conversation.

"What did Bass have to say, John?" They were walking towards an office now.

"He stated that he received a distress call from Ms. Waldorf about being attacked and he went out to search for her. She ran into him just outside of his hotel and he sent her inside. He admits to threatening the man after they argued about what happened to her. He told me that they guy threw the first punch and he fought back. He wasn't in fear for his life, but he wanted revenge for whatever happened to Ms. Waldorf. From the sounds of it, he doesn't even know that it was an attempted rape."

I almost smiled to myself. Chuck could be thrown in jail for assaulting that guy, and he doesn't even know what really happened, but he did it to protect me.

"So where is he now?" Officer Richards asked

"We let him go. Mr. Jones is giving us a completely different story about what happened, but with Ms. Waldorf's statement about what happened we have no reason to believe Mr. Bass went out there looking for a fight when he didn't know what was going on. If the judge wants to try him in court for assault then he will, but until then, Mr. Bass is a free man"

I sighed in relief. They weren't going to arrest Chuck for now. When they moved the conversation to the office I left the building.

It was dark outside. Chills ran down my back and I hailed a taxi as quickly as I could telling the driver where I needed to go. I was not going to be walking tonight.

He pulled up outside my building and I paid the man and quickly got out. I made my way to the elevator and let out a sigh. I was home.

I stepped out of the elevator and walked towards my room. I needed an extremely hot bath and some comfortable clothes. Maybe my mom and Chuck were right. Comfortable was best for right now.

I let the hot water cascade over my body as I leaned my hands on the wall for support. Today truly had been one of the longest days of my entire life. I have never had to deal with such ignorance for such a long period of time. To find out that he was grilling me so hard to see if I was lying only made it that much worse.

Finally getting out the shower, I got dressed for bed and climbed right in. I don't think my bed has ever felt as comfortable as it did at that exact moment. I laid my head on my pillow and curled into a ball.

I laid there for quite some time staring off into space. I kept thinking about things I needed to change in my life. Thinking about what I needed to do to turn my life around. Realizing that Chuck could have been arrested and thrown in jail for defending me without knowing anything that happened is really making me think about what I've become. A sliver of who I used to be.

What happened to that Blair? Why did I let her disappear into oblivion? Is that what my dad would have wanted? I shook my head to myself. He would have wanted me to be so much better. He wished great things for me.. and Chuck.

"Chuck" I whispered to myself. I needed to talk to him. I needed to thank him for what he did, tell him everything that happened, and not just last night's events. I thought about going over to his hotel tomorrow and talking to him, but I couldn't. I had to do it tonight. I had to do it now.

**Xoxoxoxoxoxo**

**So there you have it.. another chapter, and it wasn't 2 years later! I'm so proud! To those of you kind enough to review last chapter.. Thank YOU! Reviews mean the world to me and I love hearing what you guys think. Knowing that people are reading and enjoying really makes me want to write so please be kind and review!**

**SHELL 3**


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